


Like Some Child Possessed, The Beast Howls in My Veins

by doctornineandthreequarters



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angry Eddie Diaz, Angst, Eddie Diaz Has Anger Issues, Eddie takes his anger out on a punching bag, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley is a Good Boyfriend, M/M, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25695940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: Jab, uppercut, jab, jab.Eddie’s fists pounded against the bag, fury pounding through with each hit. All he could see was red. All he could hear were the shouts, the screams. He gritted his teeth and struck again.---A bad call triggers an emotional reaction in Eddie.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 144





	Like Some Child Possessed, The Beast Howls in My Veins

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhhh boy. This fic came out of nowhere and was A LOT. I'm sorry in advance.

_ Jab, uppercut, cross, jab. _

Eddie’s fists pounded against the bag, fury pounding through with each hit. All he could see was red. All he could hear were the shouts, the screams. He gritted his teeth and struck again. 

_ Jab, cross, uppercut, cross, hook. _

He didn’t dare look down at his hands, wondering if there were still splotches of blood that had seeped through his gloves. He had washed his hands over and over again until they were raw, but it felt like the blood was still there. 

_ Jab, cross, hook cross. _

Her screams filled his ears making him go faster, flying through the combination. He wanted it to go away, wanted the screams to leave him alone. But the screams were still there, echoing through his ears.

_ Jab. _

“Help, please!”

_ Cross. _

“Oh god, make it stop!”

_ Hook. _

“I can’t feel anything. That can't be good.”

_ Cross. _

“I’m leaving again. I’m so sorry.”

_ Uppercut. Jab. Cross. Hook.  _

“I love you. Both of you.”

_ Jab. Cross. Hook. Cross. Jab. Cross. Hook. Cross. Jab. Cross. Hook. Cross. Jab. Cross. Hook. Cross.  _

“Eddie!”

He felt someone grabbing him, hauling him away from the bag. He let out a pained yell, trying to get away from them, trying to get back to the bag. He needed to keep going. He needed to get it all out before it consumed him. Or maybe it already had and he just needed to keep hitting the bag until he didn’t feel anything anymore. But the arms around him just held steady, pulling him further and further away. He thrashed around a little, an animalistic rage filling him up, but their grip was stronger than his rage. 

“There was nothing more you could do. For either of them.” Everything in him ran cold, his body freezing. He could feel hands on his arms but couldn't see him. The rage was gone, no longer seeing red, but instead gray. His vision was growing obscured from tears he thought he was done shedding. He felt his knees buckle, and felt the floor coming towards him quickly. But strong arms surrounded him, trying to pull him from whatever stupor he fell into. 

“Eddie.” The voice was soft but he’d know it anywhere. It was the voice that woke him up every morning, that filled his days with random facts and loud laughter. It was the voice that sometimes read to Christopher before he fell asleep or helped him with science projects. It was the voice of the person he loved more than anything in the world (besides Christoper).

“Buck.” There was anguish in his voice as he called out for his boyfriend, from a pain he thought he had moved past. A pain that shouldn’t have broken him like this and yet still did. He couldn’t see in front of him, tears blocking his vision. But Buck was there, holding onto him, whispering comforting words.

“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

It felt like hours or maybe just minutes before Eddie’s vision was no longer obscured by tears. He took a moment to take in his surroundings. Somehow, Buck had managed to get him to the locker room, where they were currently sitting on the floor, their backs against the lockers. He could see Bobby standing outside of the locker room, almost standing guard, giving the two of them a moment alone. 

“You back with me?” Buck asked quietly, his thumb gently caressing Eddie’s jaw.

“Yeah,” Eddie croaked out, his voice raw. “Sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Buck said gently. “Did it remind you of…”

“Yeah,” Eddie said with a sniff. “I thought...I didn’t know it would affect me like that. She...Shannon’s been gone for over a year.”

“Doesn’t mean you’ve moved on from that trauma.” Eddie nodded. He looked down at his knuckles. Somehow, in his rage, he had torn through his hand wraps, leaving his knuckles bruised and red. He glanced at Buck, who was watching him with those perfectly blue eyes he loved so much. Buck just ran his thumbs across Eddie’s knuckles.

“We should get these looked at,” Buck said gently. Eddie nodded, but didn't move. “Eddie?”

“Can we just…” His voice trailed off as he looked at Buck. “Can we just stay here for a little while longer?”

“Sure.” Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie and Eddie melted into the embrace. He could still feel the rage and anguish, a swarm that had been bubbling inside him for too long. But he also felt the love and happiness that had been fighting against it, waging war against those ugly emotions. It felt like he was broken, pieces of him fighting to be the ones in control. 

But as he looked up at Buck, he realized that maybe those pieces didn’t have to fight. Maybe, they could all come together. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Maybe he could be whole.

**Author's Note:**

> [Scream with me on my tumblr?](http://doctornineandthreequarters.tumblr.com)


End file.
